And I Have Proof, Skeeter Claims
by eukaryote
Summary: What if Rita Skeeter found out about Dumbledore's past with Grindelwald and made it public slightly *before* Dumbledore's death? Humor. Oneshot.


_A/N: This is not to be taken seriously. I think it's light crack AU. I also made the fight between Hermione and Ron disappear, because I want Hermione here. She's the first one who would read the newspaper._

 _What happened if Rita Skeeter found out about Dumbledore's past with Grindelwald and made it public slightly before Dumbledore's death?_

 _[mad cackling]_

* * *

 **December 1996**

Harry Potter was feeling exhausted. It was early in the morning - too early, yet a huge crowd of Order members were moving about the Burrow. Harry himself had not gotten much sleep the previous night. He had spent far too long thinking about all the questions he wanted answers to. What was Snape up to? What was Malfoy up to? Had Snape really made an Unbreakable Vow? If he had, what had he sworn and who had he sworn it to? What the hell was even Dumbledore up to? Where was he? Would Dumbledore believe Harry when he told him about the conversation he had heard between Snape and Malfoy? Was Snape even on the good side? What made Dumbledore convinced that Snape was on their side in the first place? Who was the Half-Blood Prince? And, most importantly, when was Ginny going to be single again? Because Ginny was bumping into him all the time, sometimes in just a night robe, and it was driving Harry mad.

Ron was leaning his left arm on the table, his hand supporting his face, eyes closed, breakfast untouched. He looked like he was about to fall asleep sitting up.

"Ron, you really need to go to bed earlier," Hermione was saying as she unrolled the _Daily Prophet_. "I mean honestly, it is nearly nine."

Ron grumbled something unintelligible.

In the room were also Mrs. Weasley, Mr. Weasley, and Lupin. Kingsley briefly stopped in for a word with Lupin before leaving for the Ministry.

"Oh my," said Hermione, her expression horror-struck as she stared at an article in the Daily Prophet.

"What is it?" said Harry quickly, fearing for the worst. Ron unstuck his face from his left hand. Both Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's attention snapped onto Hermione, and Lupin stopped talking about Greyback and froze.

"No, nothing like that," she said reassuringly. "Nothing to do with Voldemort or a death toll. It's Rita Skeeter. She's written some horrible article about Dumbledore - or rather, someone _interviewed_ her and wrote the terrible article. I ought to blackmail her again for this. I'd do that for Dumbledore."

"What's she saying this time?" asked Harry.

"She's saying... she's saying... Oh goodness, I can't even say it - here, Harry, you read it." Hermione pushed the newspaper over to him, where Ron leaned over to see it too.

Nothing could have prepared Harry for seeing this article title. It read, "Dumbledore and Grindelwald Had a Secret Love Affair, and I Have Proof, Skeeter Claims."

"You're joking, right?" said Harry angrily as he pulled the newspaper closer to him. Hermione and Ron were leaning in close to him so they all could begin to read. Finally, all six of them were peering over the article.

The article read as follows:

 _"Anyone who has ever read as much history as a Chocolate Frog card knows that Albus Dumbledore defeated Gellert Grindelwald in 1945. Grindelwald, a name largely forgotten by many young witches and wizards who were not alive during this terrifying reign, is widely considered to be second only to Lord Voldemort himself as far as magical atrocities are concerned. It was his triumph over Grindelwald that truly ignited Dumbledore's continued fame. However, there is more to be told about these two than a simple duel. Dumbledore and Grindelwald knew each other - quite well - far earlier than their duel in 1945, reporter Rita Skeeter claims._

 _"'Oh yes,' Skeeter told me with a mischievous smile, 'Dumbledore and Grindelwald actually have quite an_ interesting _past. Their story began when they met in the summer of 1899. I have a reliable source, I have physical proof, that Dumbledore and Grindelwald were, at one time, very, very good friends in their teenage years. In fact, they were more than friends. What I've seen obviously transcends friendship. They were in a romantic relationship that summer.'_

 _"I had laughed at Skeeter's claim here. It sounded ridiculous, to say the least. However, Skeeter then pulled out some very old parchments bearing Dumbledore's signature. Anyone who has ever seen his handwriting (which is a great deal of us) will recognize the loops. I read one letter directed at Grindelwald by our seventeen-year-old hero Albus Dumbledore. It was very - provocative - to say the least. I could not believe my eyes._

 _"'I have dozens of these,' Skeeter explained to me as I stared at her in disbelief. 'Our young Dumbledore had_ quite _the summer that year. I have found a source that most would swap their wands for. I plan to publish these letters in a book I am writing. Once it is published, the world will know the truth about Dumbledore. He is not exactly the saint everyone thinks he is. These letters to Grindelwald prove that.'_

 _"Readers can expect Skeeter's book to be published sometime in the next six months. She would like readers to keep in mind this book will contain mature content fit for only adults and mature teens."_

"Wait, Grindelwald was a girl?" said Harry. "Because I always assumed she was a bloke. Gellert's a weird name for a girl."

There was a long silence in which everyone tried to not laugh at Harry. Then Hermione gently put a hand on Harry's and said, very clearly and slowly (as if speaking to a toddler), "No, Harry. Grindelwald _is_ a he."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Do you know _any_ Wizarding history _at all_ , Harry?" asked Hermione wearily.

Ron sniggered.

"How can she even do that?" said Harry angrily. "I can't believe the nerve she has - the gall - the insensitivity - to make up such nonsense. Isn't this _slander_?"

"I would say yes," Mr. Weasley said with a sigh as he returned to the kitchen counter, cleaning off his glasses. "However, the thing is, Dumbledore won't complain. He finds Rita Skeeter's writing very humorous."

"Well, I'm sure he won't find this funny!" Harry exclaimed. "This is horrible! She's writing an entire _book_ on this?"

"Wait, do we even know if Dumbledore's gay?" asked Ron, looking directly at Harry.

"Why in the ruddy hell should I even know?" snapped Harry. "Do you think we've ever discussed that? And who cares if he is?"

"I think he's gay," said Lupin suddenly.

"I see no real evidence to support that," argued Mr. Weasley immediately.

"Of course he is," shot Mrs. Weasley. "Have you seen some of the robes he wears?"

"No, Molly, that's just because Dumbledore's eccentric," Mr. Weasley insisted. "Anyway, I thought everyone knew that Dumbledore and McGonagall are a thing."

"Dumbledore and McGonagall are not a thing!" said Mrs. Weasley loudly. "Just because they're two old people who both went into teaching, people automatically assume they should go together. Not everyone falls in love with anybody else just because they are both there and they are both old! I'm with Remus; I think he's gay."

"Why are we even arguing about Dumbledore's sexuality?" interjected Harry. "Like I said, who cares? Who even _wants_ to know? I wish you hadn't said that about Dumbledore and McGonagall - that's just disgusting, and I'll never get that mental picture out of my head. I don't _want to know_ what he does in that function, but we know he definitely never had a love affair with the second most evil Dark wizard of the century!"

"I would say probably not," agreed Lupin with a small smile, "but I still say he's gay."

"I really hope he doesn't read this," continued Harry. "Nobody ever bring this up to him."

"Yeah, I agree, mate," said Ron. "I mean, imagine if Rita Skeeter wrote an article claiming that you had a love affair with You-Know-Who."

"Exactly, that's - that's pretty messed up," said Harry with a shudder.

"He'll probably have already read it," said Hermione glumly as her eyes scanned through the article again. "I am sure Professor Dumbledore reads many newspapers every single morning, even though we all know by now the _Daily Prophet_ is rubbish."

Another long silence settled upon them in which Harry tried not to think about Dumbledore and McGonagall doing anything together other than talking about books.

"I feel really bad for Dumbledore now, honestly," said Ron finally.

"Feel bad for me in regard to what, Mr. Weasley?" said a deep voice from the door arch.

Everyone turned in horror to see a very tired-looking Albus Dumbledore ambling through the doorway into the kitchen. He looked like he had not slept in years. Hermione swiftly hid the newspaper, and a very painful silence followed. When Ron did not answer, Dumbledore smiled and said, "What has Rita Skeeter published about me now? I haven't had the time to catch up on my morning readings."

Ron and Hermione went very pink in the face. Mr. Weasley muttered something about forgetting something, and he ejected himself from the room. Lupin sat looking out the kitchen window, and Mrs. Weasley stood drying a single plate over and over and over again. Finally, Harry broke the silence.

"She's apparently going to publish a book about you," said Harry in a low voice. "It looks to be absolutely awful, sir, and I'm sorry. She's claiming that she's found out that you and Grindelwald knew each other, er, well in the summer of 1899."

Dumbledore looked stunned. "Good gracious, really? Is that all or is there more to it?" When no one answered, he added, "You know I will sit down and read this morning's edition soon anyway, so you might as well tell me."

"She's claiming you had some kind of teenage love affair with him," said Lupin finally.

Harry examined Dumbledore's face. He expected him to look angry, shocked, appalled, embarrassed... but Dumbledore's face portrayed none of these emotions. Instead, he looked mightily impressed, thoughtful...

"Hmm," Dumbledore said to (seemingly) himself, his brow furrowed, appearing lost in thought. "That is very... very interesting... Me and Grindelwald... I wonder how she found out about that..."

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Lupin, and Mrs. Weasley all laughed. Perhaps Harry should not have felt so angry - clearly, Dumbledore was not bothered by it - he found it humorous enough to joke about it.

Dumbledore, however, did not laugh or smile. Instead, he turned on his heel and walked out the archway, calling, "Arthur, I want a quick word with you."

The laughter skidded to a halt.

"Was he..." began Ron hesitantly, "he - he was joking... right?"

"'Course he was," answered Harry, though he honestly was not so sure anymore.

Another silence.

"Harry," said Lupin, "didn't you say that you wanted to talk to Dumbledore about Malfoy?"

"No. It... can wait."

Nobody had the energy to talk about something else. Ron tried talking about the weather, but it was too forced, so the conversation swiftly died.

Five minutes later, Minerva McGonagall came walking through the archway, looking highly agitated.

"Hello, Minerva," said Mrs. Weasley politely, "how are - ?"

"Did Albus just come walking through here, Molly?" said McGonagall in a very tense voice.

"Why, yes, he did, but he went after Arthur -"

"Good, thank you," interrupted McGonagall, "because I urgently need to speak with him about something." With a swish of her cloak, she was out the archway again.

No one looked at each other.

"Maybe Dumbledore's bisexual," suggested Ron eventually.

Harry got up, wrestled the dishcloth from Mrs. Weasley, washed his plate and fork himself, and left the room while the rest argued over Ron's hypothesis. Harry did not want to know. He did not want to think about it. Just no.

No.

* * *

 _A/N: Harry does not ship MMAD, and neither do I. This probably has lots of mistakes in it because I've been awake for a very, very long time. I will go back and fix them!  
_

 _Anybody who can do a better job with this plot bunny is welcome to take it and use it, because I'd like to read it._

 _May I make a potentially unpopular hypothesis? I think JK Rowling wanted to make it clear that Dumbledore was gay in Deathly Hallows, but her publishers talked her out of it because they knew there would be crowds of super angry, bigoted parents/people. I think had the publishers not have to worry about blacklash, Rita Skeeter would have referred to Grindelwald as Dumbledore's secret love... not... uh... "best friend." So JK Rowling just did the best she could by heavily hinting at it. Yeah, they "spent all day in discussion" and "got on like a cauldron on fire." Because that's not at all suspicious._

 _JK Rowling had said, "I think a child would see an intense friendship, but a sensitive adult would see an infatuation." JK Rowling might have left it in there without spelling it out, but Rita Skeeter would DEFINITELY spell it out in her book, whether the infatuation was two-sided or not. The publishers had to shut Rita up, and that's the only reason why Rita hadn't written in all caps, bold letters: Dumbledore was in love with Grindelwald. Not your fault, JK Rowling, not your fault. OK, I'm done, don't hate me._


End file.
